Sept. 8, 2021 It’s one of my newer shirts, but it’s quickly become my favorite top for casual days. It’s a simple, gray t-shirt with an image of a taco on it and text that says, “It’s ok to fall apart sometimes. Tacos fall apart all the time, and we still love them.” We all hit tough times in our lives. I refer to them as moments of “drama and chaos.” In my life, they’ve manifested over the last few years as health issues, emergencies and efforts to tackle personal problems in drastic ways. More than a few times, I’ve let the “tough times” cause me to fall apart and fall into feelings of despair. I allow myself to slip into thoughts of “why does God let things like this happen to me?” or “I don’t deserve this.” Sometimes, I even despair to the point where I stumble in my relationship with the Lord, and I let my spiritual life and prayer life fall to the wayside, and I slip into self-reliance. Sometimes, it’s like I give up on God. Luckily, God doesn’t give up on me. While I may blind myself to his working in my life in moments of acute stress or hardship, God has a strange way of making his presence known. God makes his presence known in the loved ones – family and friends alike – who offer their ears to listen, shoulders to cry on and arms in loving embraces. God makes his presence known in the mentor who encourages me to work through my problems and not allow myself to wallow in sadness and self-pity. God makes his presence known in the urgings I feel to take my problems to him in prayer, even if the only prayer I can muster is an exasperated “please help me.” Whether I acknowledge it or not, God makes his presence known and gives me the strength and resolve I need to continue moving forward in hard times. And when I’m focused on my struggles, failings and unworthiness, God reminds me he loves me despite my weaknesses and struggles. God reminds me he doesn’t have to make me whole to make me holy, or at least to make me want to be holy (I’m certainly not there yet). He’s working on me where I am now. Where am I now? In a place where I’ll fall apart and fall away sometimes. As my shirt says, though, it’s ok to fall apart. It gives God a chance to put us back together and bring us back to him. |
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